Where My Heart Is Today

And that brings me to where I am today. My journey hasn't been a straight line. I've been confused and deceived. I've searched in places where I shouldn't have been searching. I've believed things that I later realized were wrong. I have followed teachings that sounded true because they resonated with me, only to find out later that they were leading me away from the truth. I've tried to find fulfillment through things that could never truly fulfill me. What I ultimately needed was to surrender myself to God. But through all of it, the Lord continued to draw me back toward His truth. Today, I am more grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ than I have ever been. I am still learning. I am still growing. I am still studying Scripture. I still have questions, and I don't pretend to know everything. I am not a Bible expert, but I have a solid foundation. What I do know is that I don't want to return to the person I was. I don't want to return to the confusion that once controlled my thinking. I don't want to be tossed around by every new doctrine, every new teacher, or every new spiritual idea that sounds convincing. I pray that the Lord keeps me grounded in His truth and gives me the discernment to never be swept away by deception again. When I look back over my life, I can see that my desire to know God existed long before I truly understood Him. I can see the child who wanted to be baptized because he thought baptism would make him sinless. I can see the young person who only prayed when things went wrong. I can see the person who wanted to become successful so he could help other people. I can see the person who became desperate for answers and ended up embracing beliefs that took him further away from the God he was searching for. I can see the person who became fascinated by spirituality and began looking everywhere for answers. I can see the person who became lost in conflicting doctrines, and the person who became empty and hungry for truth. I can see the person who tried to build his own framework for character and meaning. And I can see how the Lord continued to pull me back toward His Word. When I look at all of it now, one thing has become increasingly clear to me: true fulfillment can't be found in myself. It can't be found in another spiritual system, another teacher, another philosophy, or in something I build. It can only be found in Jesus Christ. That is where my heart is today. I want my life to point people toward Jesus Christ. I want to be a true witness to the Gospel and to the power it has to transform a person's life. I want people to know that my story isn't about how intelligent I became, how much I studied, or how I managed to find all the right answers on my own. It is about what God has done in me. It is about His mercy, His patience, and His faithfulness. It is about the fact that even when I wandered, searched in the wrong places, became confused, and pursued things that could never fulfill me, the Lord continued to draw me back toward the truth. My deepest desire now is to be used as an instrument for the Church and for the purposes of God, according to His will. I want my life, my music, my words, my gifts, my work, and everything else that I have to ultimately point back to Him. I don't want to build my own kingdom. I want to live for Christ. I want to remain faithful to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to continue growing in the truth of God's Word. And I pray that the Lord will keep me grounded, keep me faithful, give me discernment, and never allow me to be swept away by deception again. He is my Lord, my God, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.